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The Grey Matters – Duplicity

| Posted by Harlan

The Grey Matters was the landing spot for the creative and contemplative works that bounce around the confines of my head, as well as the inspirations that put them there. With the re-release of Viva, we decided to merge the blogs. Click here for more behind the meaning behind TGM.

The greatest mountain to cross in any relationship is that of duplicity. I wake up, I dream, I’m alone, and the thoughts in my head are a version of myself. When I connect, when I converse, I am another version. Neither is the whole story, nor is one the real, or authentic, me. They are both me, and the combination and interception of those versions is where you can meet the true version of myself.

Some call this true version integrity. Integrity is “the person you are when no one is looking”. I agree that’s part of it, but it’s not the point I wish to make. When I say words such as duplicity or authenticity, or integrity, I am pointing more toward the cohesion that should be sought out between the two versions of yourself. The greatest, most whole relationships depend greatly on it. You have undoubtedly heard someone, when speaking of a relationship or person they value, speak the words “I can truly be myself around them.” This is the dissipation of duplicity. This is the gradual revelation and connection of the two versions of yourself, until, at long last, there is simply one version of each person in the relationship.

My goal in all relationships is to lead them to a place where duplicity is lessened by the revelation of myself. But let’s be real, that vulnerability is scary. Trusting people with the most intimate pieces of your life can have negative consequences. I’ve been there, more times than I’d like. To be fair, not everyone in your life can handle that responsibility. And there will be degrees in which those you care about will be able to handle the intimacy. However, it bears repeating that the greatest of relationships live in the intimacy of singularity.

This is the overall goal of any relationship, and the most difficult of all to achieve — the end of duplicity. To know someone and be known by someone so intimately that the selfish desires of the one fade into the symbiotic hope and vision of the two.

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